Living Faith // Trusting Him

It was past midnight. I should’ve been asleep. But I couldn’t shake that nagging thought. I kept thinking and thinking…

Have you ever wondered what to do when you know what is right, but simply can’t bring yourself to do it?

I’m not here to judge you. We’ve all been there. As a matter fact, I’m there myself, asking how– how should I handle this?

Some time ago, I was at a fellowship meeting with several families. Some of the children and youth headed to the park to carry out some activities. I didn’t know anything about it. They had planned everything without me. I saw it. And I was hurt, because we were such close friends. One of them invited me to join them, but I decided that if they planned without me, obviously I wasn’t needed, so I wouldn’t join them. In the end, however, I decided to go and see what they were doing.

When I got there, I was among three girls who were offered the opportunity to help one of our leaders with a task. Nursing my hurt, I used their unintentional exclusion of me to justify me grabbing that opportunity. My friends were very gracious in allowing me to help the leader without any protests. They even offered to help me out if I got tired later on. But me? I was selfish.

Halfway through the activity, a boy came running to tell us that we were in an off-limits area. Our leader started to hurry us up, saying that we had been warned and needed to wrap up before we got caught. I felt a twinge of guilt.

I knew it would only be right for me to speak up and say that we should leave immediately since we had been warned, and to leave the place myself if they refused to listen.

I knew it was right.

But I couldn’t do it.

I didn’t want to look like the “good girl” among them all. I didn’t want to fall out with them for being “legalistic.” I didn’t want to lose my place among them. I valued their “acceptance” of me, and I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my “position” as part of the group to do what I felt was right.

The next day, as my family dined together, one of us informed the rest of a work-related appointment that was to be held on a Sunday. It was the only day the relevant parties would be available, and because the meeting involved a major decision, this family member agreed to the meeting.

I thought about the matter for a few days. It’s a fine line between catering to others’ needs and compromising our own beliefs.

If the person explained his/her beliefs, and politely disagreed to holding the meeting on the Sabbath day, the business opportunity might have been lost, and the weeks of hard work would go to waste.

On the other hand, however, if this person were to say, “Okay. I don’t usually work on a Sunday, but since this is such a rare opportunity, I’ll meet up with you,” the other parties to look at Christians as hypocrites- people who don’t walk their talk, and are willing to compromise their beliefs just to gain something.

I don’t know about you, but it got me thinking about how, so often, we know deep inside what’s true or false, what’s right or wrong- but seldom act on it.

Living in faith requires trust to a good degree.

Suppose I were to lose my circle of friends because I lived my faith. It would require a lot of trust on my part to believe that God would continue to use me and provide me Godly friends.

Suppose the relative were to lose the prospect of being repaid after a series of insane workhorse. Would it be possible to trust God with such a big thing? The thing that would pay the bills and feed the family?

It requires TRUST.

Living in faith requires trust.

It’s not easy. It’s a thin line between not compromising and being a servant Christian who loves and provides for others.

But there is no thread so fine it cannot be seen in the sun.

In trying situations like these, let us hold that fine thread to the light of God’s wisdom and Word.

Yes, it’s all about living in faith.

But yes, it also requires trust, as cliche as that may sound.

Trust.

It’s perhaps the biggest figure of the equation, but we learn.

I’m here learning with you. Stay strong.

Trusting is tough. It’s all right. We struggle together.

And perhaps the most important thing to remember is that He won’t leave us where we’re at.

Which One Are you: The Wise Man or Foolish Man?

Hi there! 

Missions have been exhausting, to say the least, but I haven’t forgotten about the blog. 🙂 As promised earlier, here is a guest post by a friend of mine, Ashley, who will be sharing some thoughts with us today. Thanks, Ashley!

Hello everyone! Greetings in the name of the Lord! I want to give a big thank you to Charis for asking me to write a guest post for her. Thank you Charis! Now onto the post. 🙂

Are you firmly grounded, or is your foundation shaky? Matthew 7:24-27 says, “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”
Jesus is talking to his disciples on the mount, and he finishes with these words. If you hear God’s words, and not just hear them, but obey and do them,  you’ll be like the wise man who built his house on a rock. But if you just hear Jesus’ words, and don’t make any move to obey them, you’ll be like the foolish man who built his house on sand. The house represents life. And the rock? It represents the Word of God, the Bible. Storms will sweep across your life. Waves of sorrow, pain, and hurt will crash against your foundation. Winds of doubt, strife, and contempt will try to blow you over. Satan will try to chip away at your foundation to make you fall. But if you are grounded so deep in the rock, in Christ, in the Bible, the storms, the wind, the waves, even Satan will not be able to make you fall.  However, if your foundation is built in sand, waves will come and wash it away. You’ll fall and crumble because you have no firm foundation. Build your foundation in the Word of God…not in sand, not in the world, not in anyone. Built your life in Christ, in His Word, and He will never let you fall. I am reminded of the song “How Firm A Foundation”.
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in His excellent Word! What more can He say than to you He hath said, you, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?
In every condition, in sickness, in health; In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth; At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea, as thy days may demand, so thy strength ever be.
Fear not, I am with thee, o be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid; I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand upheld by My righteous, omnipotent  hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go, the rivers of woe shall not thee overflow; For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless, and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, my grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;  The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
Even down to old age all My people shall prove My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love; And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn, like lambs they shall still in my bosom be borne.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose, I will not, I will not desert to it’s foes; That soul, thou all hell, should endeavor to shake, I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.
Make sure your foundation is sure, and that you’re standing on Christ the solid rock, for all other ground is sinking sand.
Thank you for reading, and may God bless you richly.
Warmly yours and eternally His,
Ashley
Check out my blog at creatingpreciousmoments.blogspot.com
Check out my store at ashleysyarnworks.blogspot.com

Caught and Taught

So in three days I’ll be leaving for my first ever mission trip. Many times, while explaining to my friends or authorities about why I’ll be absent for activities for most of June, I’ve been asked, “So where are you going?”

Think about it- “mission trip.” Considering I live in Malaysia, you’d expect me to be going somewhere like- I don’t know- Sabah, Sarawak, Cambodia, or China… right?

Nope.

I’ll be part of a youth team conducting camps for kids in the city.

Eh, what? Is that even a mission trip?

Okay. I guess different people define it differently, but to me it’s still a mission trip. Why? Um, cause I’m going with a mission?

Anyways, back to the trip, the camps will be held in three different countries for a week each. And I’m kind of nervous and yet excited.

Excited because, well I love the challenge of working with kids and the fulfilment of seeing a smile on a child’s face. 🙂 Nervous because… I don’t know what to expect?

The next three weeks are going to be crazy, hectic ones. My friends can attest to that. And that means I probably won’t have time to blog, so I’ll be getting two great friends to guest post here, and I’m super excited about what they’ll have to share!

It also means that every bit of me will be put to use! In a good way, of course. Yes, it will mean lots of exhaustion- that’s for sure. And frankly, while that is the least of my worries, I’m not sure how my body will respond to the stress.

But here’s something that really got me thinking.

When God pushes you to the edge of difficulty, trust Him fully because two things can happen: either He’ll catch you when you fall, or He will teach You how to fly.

Now, don’t you think that’s assuring? I certainly do, and this quote brought to mind many instances where God did exactly that- He either caught me or taught me.

I’ll take my music exams as an example. I’ve taken several piano exams and theory exams in the past. They was quite some time back, but God’s weaving that element of “Caught/Taught” in those experiences is evident to me.

I walked into the examination room on the day of my practicals, and even though I kept my composure, I didn’t do very well. I could blame it on the piano (which, by the way, was extremely hard to play), but really, if I were to be honest with myself, I hadn’t practised nearly as much as I should have. I walked out crushed, expecting a fail.

I walked into the examination hall on the day of my theory exam, an overwhelming sense of dread seeping through me. Moments before, I had stood in the hallway, gazing into the school courtyard, and tried unsuccessfully to conceal my tears as crowds of nervous children, worried teachers, and excited parents pushed their way to the different classrooms. I walked out, puzzled over a question on a (if I remember correctly) French musical term. And similarly, I didn’t expect to do well.

God surprised me with results I totally did not expect. And for those not-so-stellar results, He gave me the strength to receive the news with grace.

I don’t know. There are so many more examples of His work in my life, but just in these few seemingly insignificant events, I’ve seen how He both taught me how to fly, and caught me as I fell.

I’m not trying to brag. Honest. In fact, I’m more than happy to say God did that work. I have absolutely no idea how it all happened. But it just goes to show what God can do when I trust Him.

And in these three weeks to come, I’m sure God will do a lot of catching and teaching, because I know I don’t have that strength within myself to make it through the trip. But I know for a fact that He does.

My Father will give me the strength. And He will catch me when I fall and teach me how to fly. 🙂

 

Learning to Trust

The past month has been a rough one. With assignments, presentations, celebrations, frustrations, and a generous sprinkling of troubles, I’m certainly grateful that I was able to find the time to write.

While I encountered a fair amount of challenges this month, there were also the memorable moments.

Like a toddler clutching my finger.

Like smiling into the eyes of a mischievous child.

Like watching a video with friends.

Like lunch with my best friend.

Like the satisfaction of drawing a bow across my violin strings.

Like hugging a loved one.

Like celebrating a group accomplishment.

Like giggling fits.

Like music flowing from the piano keys.

Like looking through old photos.

Like chatting with buddies.

Like the joy of seeing the enthusiasm and excellence of those who learn from an imperfect me.

Yes, it has been a memorable month, with the usual surprise ups and downs.

Very, very soon, I’ll be leaving for a mission trip. My first ever.

People have asked me, “Are you excited?” because my friends have been there, done it, and they love it.

But you know what? I’m apprehensive. Unsure of what to expect. Scared, even. I place my fears on being at a loss for what to do at airports. I place my fears on overpacking or underpacking. I place my fears on accidentally breaking team rules.

But really, I don’t even know what I’m afraid of.

“Half-half,” was my reply. Grammatically wrong, I know. And they were shocked.

“Why??? You should be jumping with impatience and anticipation!”

Am I different? Am I weird? Is something the matter with me?

No.

I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I do know this. I’m unprepared. Inadequate. Unqualified.

Recently, I read a blog by a wonderful sister, and this caught my eye:

God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.

That’s a comforting thought for me.

As I think back to times past, I notice that it is in times like this- when I realise that I cannot do something, that I don’t have the ability to do something, that I am running low on fuel (or practice :$ )- that I turn to God and cry out to Him for mercy, strength, and grace.

And strangely, it is in those times that miraculous things happen. It doesn’t always happen, and when it does, it’s not always in the way I expect. But if I look at those times, and I look at where I am now…

You know what? I think God’s trying to tell me, “Hey, girl, don’t try to do this on your own. Trust Me. I have your back. Trust Me and let Me do the work. You do your best. I’ll do the rest.”

Writing this post, I realise that this and a few of my previous posts all relate to trust. Is God teaching me a lesson in trusting Him? Maybe… 🙂

Much love,

Szen.

A Painful Lesson

#2
I remember yesterdays like
Intermittent dewdrops of sweet honey.
I remember them like
Teardrops running down my cheeks.

I remember yesterdays like
An autumn breeze, and gold leaves askew.
I remember them like
An unrelenting fog, clouding my vision.

I remember yesterdays like
A child among the playful, lapping waves.
I remember them like
The angry ocean’s saltine spray mingling with my own.

I remember yesterdays like
Clear blue skies, and cotton poufs of stories.
I remember them like
Dark, gloomy nights, and thunder rolling in my ears.

I remember yesterdays like
Swaying fronds of delicate fern.
I remember them like
Evil tendrils of vine that curl around my neck.

I remember yesterdays like
Footprints in the sand, untouched by the sea.
I remember them like
A mess of sand, a reminder of when two friends fought.

I remember yesterdays like
Windswept hair, and tinkling laughter.
I remember them like
Wild tresses, tousled in the wake of a sleepless night.

I remember yesterdays like
An antique musical box- a refreshing melody to my ears.
I remember them like
A forgotten relic, damaged in the fray, but held dear in my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was eleven, my friend and I became special friends. We had known each other for years, just that- well, it was a normal relationship. We admired each other, and enjoyed each other’s company, and that was it.

For months, a friend had tried to damage our friendship by gossiping about us behind our backs. But both of us were aware of it and determined that nothing would keep us apart.

We shared the same interests, the same hobbies, the same passions.

We could talk to each other for hours about anything and everything.

But at the end of the next year, something DID separate us. 

Just a simple dispute. A simple misunderstanding about a missing item.

And our friendship ended there. 

We stopped speaking to each other. Stopped texting. Stopped emailing. Stopped sending letters. 

Well, maybe not exactly. But it was always one-sided. At first, she continued to reply my emails with short, snappy ones. Two months after our disagreement, she sent me a happy birthday email.

And of course, I replied. But she didn’t.

She never replied one single email or letter after that.

Up to this day, I still don’t know why.

I’ve never seen her since, even though I used to meet her a few times each week.

That was three years ago.

And to this day, when I think of her, tears still well up in my eyes. My lip still quivers. I still feel the pain as acutely as when it first happened.

Today is her birthday. 

She loved blue. 

So many things remind of her. She was such a big part of my life that everything somehow eventually links back to memories of her.

Today is her birthday.

Happy birthday, my dear friend. I still love you.

While that broken relationship still pains me, there is still something I can thank God for.

I was extremely attached to her. I knew she wasn’t the best influence for me, but, um. She was a Christian, anyhow. Maybe if I compromised some things and pushed my parents’ boundaries for me, things would work out?

But no. I refused to let her go, so God forced me to, I guess.

And, let me tell you this. It hurts. A lot.

For countless nights after that, I lay in bed crying and thinking of her. Yes, even after more than a year. 

But letting her go freed me from myself. 

I had decided I would be faithful to her. No one else would be my special friend.

But things didn’t work out. So, my heart was freed from my own loyalty to her. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. She still holds her special place in my heart. But now, I’ve realised the lie I believed in, and I opened my heart to allow God to lead the right friends to me.

And sure enough, the next year, He did. 

2014, in that tent? I was talking with the girl who is now my best friend. We were talking about letting our treasures go- in our cases, our friends. 

Neither of us knew it then, but that “break-up” with my special friend- God had a purpose in it. 

It’s a lesson for me to remember. When things don’t go the right way, I need to trust that He has something in mind. Yes, it’s easier said than done. But it’s happened countless times. When a dream was shattered, He built me a greater surprise. When a door was slammed shut, He showed me other doorways.

But that’s another story, for another day. 🙂

Here‘s something I’d like to share with you- something that gave me strength when I didn’t even have enough to ask God for more. ^^

Blessings, and a big hug from my corner of the world!

Szen

The Plans He Has

A lot has been happening the past week. And as I look back, I realise how God has a purpose for each trial that He has put into my life.

There are certain challenges that our family has been facing. I won’t talk about that here, but I’ll say that it is often extremely tough and we wonder how we will overcome our trials. Sometimes, I question why we experience all these things from the rough side of life.

Last week, during a meeting, we had to make a decision on a certain matter- something we were unable to do- but God provided the means for us through a thoughtful friend. Shortly after, I noticed a young child. This child’s family, I knew, was also unable to do this.

I contemplated. I hesitated.

The child needed it.

But, I thought. Will this child want to accept my help?

I looked at the child again.

That innocent face, those pleading eyes.

And I decided to give the child some of what I had.

The child didn’t know anything about the situation or the decision-making. At least not that it was obvious.

The child was happy that someone had decided to share.

Nothing more than that.

“Yes, please. Thank you.”

That was enough for me.

I didn’t need a thank you. Just watching the child’s happiness- that blissful ignorance.

That was enough for me.

I looked around me. No one else had noticed the child.

And now, as I write, I realise that the situation my family had been in had enabled me to see the child’s need and do my part to meet it.

Aren’t God’s plans intriguing?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

About two days later, we ran into a sticky situation. I was left reeling in shock.

I’ll be honest, I was having my doubts about God before that. I was questioning why God put me where I am. For a moment I even thought about turning my back on God.

That incident? It was God kicking me in the back. There was nothing else I could do. The only thing left for me to do was to rely on His strength to bring me through.

I was stunned. Unsure of how to respond. Scared. In fact, it would be an understatement to say I was terrified.

I had no choice but to rely on Him with every bit of me. Every drop of blood in me cried out to Him to have mercy. To be gracious with us. With me.

God sometimes has a sobering sense of humour. The incident turned out to be nothing very big, but it has left its mark on us, and I know I will remember that kick in the back that God gave me that day.

It’s a tough battle to fight- keeping one’s faith in the midst of trials. But I look back at what God has done, and I see His mighty hand, working out His plan.

And I’m comforted. Yes. It’s hard.

But He has His plans for me. Plans for good and not for evil. Plans to give me a hope and a future.

As I’ve seen in the past week, sometimes the most uncomfortable circumstances can be used by Him to fulfil His purposes.

The plans He has?

I’m choosing to allow Him to lead me. Yes, to lead me according to His plan.