The past month has been a rough one. With assignments, presentations, celebrations, frustrations, and a generous sprinkling of troubles, I’m certainly grateful that I was able to find the time to write.
While I encountered a fair amount of challenges this month, there were also the memorable moments.
Like a toddler clutching my finger.
Like smiling into the eyes of a mischievous child.
Like watching a video with friends.
Like lunch with my best friend.
Like the satisfaction of drawing a bow across my violin strings.
Like hugging a loved one.
Like celebrating a group accomplishment.
Like giggling fits.
Like music flowing from the piano keys.
Like looking through old photos.
Like chatting with buddies.
Like the joy of seeing the enthusiasm and excellence of those who learn from an imperfect me.
Yes, it has been a memorable month, with the usual surprise ups and downs.
Very, very soon, I’ll be leaving for a mission trip. My first ever.
People have asked me, “Are you excited?” because my friends have been there, done it, and they love it.
But you know what? I’m apprehensive. Unsure of what to expect. Scared, even. I place my fears on being at a loss for what to do at airports. I place my fears on overpacking or underpacking. I place my fears on accidentally breaking team rules.
But really, I don’t even know what I’m afraid of.
“Half-half,” was my reply. Grammatically wrong, I know. And they were shocked.
“Why??? You should be jumping with impatience and anticipation!”
Am I different? Am I weird? Is something the matter with me?
I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I do know this. I’m unprepared. Inadequate. Unqualified.
Recently, I read a blog by a wonderful sister, and this caught my eye:
God doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.
That’s a comforting thought for me.
As I think back to times past, I notice that it is in times like this- when I realise that I cannot do something, that I don’t have the ability to do something, that I am running low on fuel (or practice :$ )- that I turn to God and cry out to Him for mercy, strength, and grace.
And strangely, it is in those times that miraculous things happen. It doesn’t always happen, and when it does, it’s not always in the way I expect. But if I look at those times, and I look at where I am now…
You know what? I think God’s trying to tell me, “Hey, girl, don’t try to do this on your own. Trust Me. I have your back. Trust Me and let Me do the work. You do your best. I’ll do the rest.”
Writing this post, I realise that this and a few of my previous posts all relate to trust. Is God teaching me a lesson in trusting Him? Maybe… 🙂