You know what it’s like when you’re sick and are recovering, only to fall sick again? You know what it feels like when it seems like you’ll never get well?
You know what it’s like to go through the deepest, darkest part of you life?
You know what it’s like to think you overcame it– that things were getting better, only to find yourself crashing. again?
Yes? So do I.
When everything is a mess. when you don’t see a way out. When there’s nothing more to live for.
When you become numb. When you silently cry out for help. When you realise you’re alone in this.
When you have lost control of yourself. When there’s no more hope. When your heart bleeds so profusely you can barely feel anything else.
I know. It hurts. a. lot.
And the greatest pain is in watching everyone else live a “normal” life while you are drowning– gasping for breath and pleading for help– but having to hide it all, knowing no one will understand.
I feel you.
Dear girl, don’t give up. I know you’ve heard this a billion times, but I’m still going to say it.
Hang on. Hang on with every last bit of you. Don’t ever give up.
Saying “things’ll get better” doesn’t help– I know– so I won’t say that.
But know this, dear girl. There’s a soul out here who feels you. You are not alone. You are loved. Perhaps by no one else, but I love you.
You may have suffered at the hands of people– Christians– and have determined to hate this God who doesn’t even attempt to make things better. I don’t know what you’ve been through. If you’ve met a Christian and realised he/she was a hypocrite, I’m sorry.
I know I’m not perfect. I don’t do the slightest bit of justice to the Christian faith because of who I am.
But God still loves me. And He loves you. Wait. Don’t click that button to close this window.
I’ve questioned how He could love me despite me being the wreck I am. I’ve rejected Him– spurned Him– hated Him, even.
Yet, He is faithful. I can’t say how things will work out.
But He has brought me safe thus far.
Depression and anxiety are in no way pleasant. It’s torture. Torture to the farthest extent of the soul.
But, dear girl, don’t do anything else to yourself. This is a note to myself, too.
Don’t, dear girl. Don’t. Don’t do anything to yourself. Hang on. I love you. God does, too.
And here‘s something I’d like to share with you. 🙂 I love you, dear girl. Hang on.